she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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