We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
