Someone shit on the floor
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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