I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
