Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
