i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
