fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
