Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I don't deserve a penis
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
