guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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