anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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