I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
