she woke up with a sticky ear
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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