I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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