i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
