its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
