why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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