There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
