I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
