I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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