you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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