If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
