Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
