to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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