2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
