This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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