So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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