i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
