You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
