his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
