I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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