So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize
