I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
