Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
