Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
