my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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