I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
