why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
