So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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