there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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