i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
