I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
