i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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