yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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