If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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