He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
