Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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