shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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