She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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