did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
