he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
