i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
