He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
