You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Quick, to the slutcave!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
