he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
