Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
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This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
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I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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