Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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