I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
