$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
