There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
