I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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