i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.