I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
