Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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