I accidentally burped into my bong.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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