I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
