this beer tastes like vomit already
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
it's like heaven, but drunker
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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