Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize