Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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