I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
