Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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