my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
