Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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