There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
