You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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