I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Randomize
