Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
