I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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